November 08 Update

Oh my chirrens is growin up so fas!

 This past weekend I was blessed to be on my own with both children for a couple of days while Bradley participated in a law student non-profit's efforts to assist Katrina victims with home title transfer. I've been on my own for a day at a time before, which just wasn't enough time to get into a flow with them--it was just holding it together until we could return to the "you feed him while I play with her," or "I'll go paint with him while you give her a bath." I am thankful to say that it was one of the best weekends I've ever had as a mother. YES, I'm pretty exhausted, and YES another mother I know told me I looked tired at Storytime on Saturday, YES I was counting the minutes until my sweet hubby came back up our driveway---but I went to work missing my babies more than ever yesterday, and for that pain I am most thankful. Hard to explain other than to ask if the thought of the expression or some gesture belonging to somebody you miss has ever brought a smile to your face along with the wince to your heart. That smile and the pinch of love are glorious gifts--that's what I'm talking about.

Anywho--before my bar-tee runs out on my laptop, I'd better get to talking about the babies, which is why you are all here anyway.

Best story from the weekend about Charlie Mac: He came up to me with a (broken) handheld fan I got as a giveaway from Prilosec at work. It has a long string attached to it and it's purple. He held it out to me and implored "Will you put this on my head? I need it on my head." Well.

I wasn't about to put the string around his neck--immediate images of strangulation dancing in my brain. I shot from the hip and plopped it on his hairline, unicorn style...and hit paydirt. He put his little hand up there to hold it in place, looked at me with utmost gravity and stated "I can fly now." He demonstrated by running around the kitchen, den, dining and breakfast rooms with the sound effect of rushing air. Later, when we were going to the grocery store and he told me that he would prefer to fly there, I asked him if he could please bring his fan and help the car fly to the store. He agreed after a moment or two of consideration.

Yes Charlie Mac, I'd say you can certainly fly now.

Willa Ann, oh my sweet little baby girl. She is a hoot--the most vocal little child I have ever seen/heard. She coos and cusses and laughs and squeals, all to our delight. She is really thinking about walking already. She stands on her own for seconds at a time and really looks hard at the distance between the coffee table and sofa before deciding that she's going to have to crawl after all. She is so full of such a very strong personality that I know will serve her well in her life if she allows her kindness to have equal sway. She's a sweet baby--patting Guero on the head and saying "GuhGuh" and sharing her cheerios with him on purpose occasionally. She lives for her brother--screaming with glee when she first sees him in the morning and grabbing at him with her little bitty hands. I hope that their relationship is one that they can maintain through life's stretchy bits.

I need to take more pictures, I know. Damn unnatural government forced 8-5, 5 day a week work mandate (originated by Ford to retain more workers and therefore turn higher profit).  We got some beautiful portraits taken a few months ago, and I need to get the link to post on here. I wish we could afford to get everyone in our families prints of some, but that just ain't the case these days. Stay tuned and I'll get them up here and y'all can get the ones you want.

Mother's guilt--whether you stay or work

All mothers have guilt issues. It's pumped into our ears daily by "Parenting" magazines, friends on whatever side of the (ridiculous) "Mommy Wars" and well meaning family members.  I've had guilt on both sides of the Mommy Wars--as a SAHM in Georgetown and as a WM now. (Bradley's observation: notice they never say "working dad"). I assuage them with the knowledge that I am providing my children with an example as my mother did, of a woman using her education to it's fullest and putting her efforts towards things she believes in. I also feel very good about helping my best friend achieve his dreams. I think that we provide role models of a partnership towards individual and combined success. I think that's what we all do, working or not. SAHMs are also putting their efforts towards their dreams and something they believe in- neither is better or worse, both have their own issues. When I was staying at home I felt like I wasn't completing the things I personally had set out to do in this world. I felt like my opportunities were passing my by. I stressed about all the money that had been spent on my education, especially my second degree.  Once I got to MS and started working, I felt revived and like I was contributing to, rather than sucking dry, our family's resources and the world. Bradley had been taking over 20 hours per semester and working at night and whenever in the day he could. Bradley didn't feel comfortable with me working nights, and I accepted that. (Bradley's school schedule often required that he go to meetings and study sessions at night that would have required that we get a sitter, too.) But there I sat with two degrees, not doing anything to help. HELLO GUILT--That did a number on my conscience. Of course I felt like I was doing the best thing for Iddle at the time too. We knew the type of childcare we could afford with any day job I could get in that town would have been well below the caliber we wanted for him. I also felt like being with a parent 24/7 was the best thing for him. It may have been, or he might have thrived with another caregiver during the day as well. That wasn't available to us in Georgetown, and we weren't going to take that chance. If I got a job in Austin, that would have afforded decent childcare, I would have had a 2 hour commute (during traffic) each way--12 hour days away from him, possibly with no parent at all during that time. That wasn't worth it to us. SO, Bradley slaved and I stayed with CMac--at least I had wonderful company. 

So here we are at Today's Dose of Guilt-Charlie Mac has been saying things like "Stay da me" for a while now when we leave in the morning, and that's certainly done a number on both of us. We just explain that we have responsibilities and we will miss him and can't wait to see him when we get home. We are lucky enough to live very close to work and school so we can see the babies at lunch sometimes and still have a few hours before bedtime to hang with them after. 

This morning our elder budding genius began to negotiate with me. I hugged him and was trying to get my kiss before I left (Bradley had left already for school--EXAM TODAY!). Charlie Mac leaned back and pointed at me and said: 

"you be right back?" 

"no baby, I'll be back at lunch and if you're taking your nap I'll come kiss you."

"You be right back."

"sweetie, I wish I could be right back, but I have to work today. When I get home we'll do something fun, ok?"

"you be right back, we do sumpin fun."

"I love you baby, I have to go to work, ok?"

"ok mama"

me internally: "AAAAAAHHHHH!"

A few minutes before, as he and Willa Ann were pal-ing around on the bed together, I took this: 

So, despite the minute or two or three of separation angst in the mornings, I know we have a good time when we're together, and that I'm providing a good example for my children, doing what's best for our family and myself personally. Charlie Mac has already started to imitate us "going to work" as he said he was doing in this picture below. Let's hope they pick up on more than just my accessories: