A very sad day

I got a very sad and shocking phone call this morning. My uncle Jerry passed away last night. He was way too young and we are all just in shock and deep sadness. Please pray for my aunt Mickie and cousins Mary Elizabeth and Clay. 

Mother's guilt--whether you stay or work

All mothers have guilt issues. It's pumped into our ears daily by "Parenting" magazines, friends on whatever side of the (ridiculous) "Mommy Wars" and well meaning family members.  I've had guilt on both sides of the Mommy Wars--as a SAHM in Georgetown and as a WM now. (Bradley's observation: notice they never say "working dad"). I assuage them with the knowledge that I am providing my children with an example as my mother did, of a woman using her education to it's fullest and putting her efforts towards things she believes in. I also feel very good about helping my best friend achieve his dreams. I think that we provide role models of a partnership towards individual and combined success. I think that's what we all do, working or not. SAHMs are also putting their efforts towards their dreams and something they believe in- neither is better or worse, both have their own issues. When I was staying at home I felt like I wasn't completing the things I personally had set out to do in this world. I felt like my opportunities were passing my by. I stressed about all the money that had been spent on my education, especially my second degree.  Once I got to MS and started working, I felt revived and like I was contributing to, rather than sucking dry, our family's resources and the world. Bradley had been taking over 20 hours per semester and working at night and whenever in the day he could. Bradley didn't feel comfortable with me working nights, and I accepted that. (Bradley's school schedule often required that he go to meetings and study sessions at night that would have required that we get a sitter, too.) But there I sat with two degrees, not doing anything to help. HELLO GUILT--That did a number on my conscience. Of course I felt like I was doing the best thing for Iddle at the time too. We knew the type of childcare we could afford with any day job I could get in that town would have been well below the caliber we wanted for him. I also felt like being with a parent 24/7 was the best thing for him. It may have been, or he might have thrived with another caregiver during the day as well. That wasn't available to us in Georgetown, and we weren't going to take that chance. If I got a job in Austin, that would have afforded decent childcare, I would have had a 2 hour commute (during traffic) each way--12 hour days away from him, possibly with no parent at all during that time. That wasn't worth it to us. SO, Bradley slaved and I stayed with CMac--at least I had wonderful company. 

So here we are at Today's Dose of Guilt-Charlie Mac has been saying things like "Stay da me" for a while now when we leave in the morning, and that's certainly done a number on both of us. We just explain that we have responsibilities and we will miss him and can't wait to see him when we get home. We are lucky enough to live very close to work and school so we can see the babies at lunch sometimes and still have a few hours before bedtime to hang with them after. 

This morning our elder budding genius began to negotiate with me. I hugged him and was trying to get my kiss before I left (Bradley had left already for school--EXAM TODAY!). Charlie Mac leaned back and pointed at me and said: 

"you be right back?" 

"no baby, I'll be back at lunch and if you're taking your nap I'll come kiss you."

"You be right back."

"sweetie, I wish I could be right back, but I have to work today. When I get home we'll do something fun, ok?"

"you be right back, we do sumpin fun."

"I love you baby, I have to go to work, ok?"

"ok mama"

me internally: "AAAAAAHHHHH!"

A few minutes before, as he and Willa Ann were pal-ing around on the bed together, I took this: 

So, despite the minute or two or three of separation angst in the mornings, I know we have a good time when we're together, and that I'm providing a good example for my children, doing what's best for our family and myself personally. Charlie Mac has already started to imitate us "going to work" as he said he was doing in this picture below. Let's hope they pick up on more than just my accessories: 

even young jedis need a mac n cheese break

some recent pictures

dreams--space makes them cooler

Me: What did you dream about last night? 

CM: wocket ship

Me: a rocket ship? 

CM: yeah

Me: yes ma'am

CM: yes ma'am. You dream abow-da wocket ship?

Me: No, I dreamt about a muffin (sad, but true).

CM: You dream abow-da muffiiiin? 

Me: yep

CM: No--you dreamed abow-da muffin in space. 

Me: A muffin in space?

CM: yes--you dreamed abow-da muffin in SPACE!

Me: Oh---OK--thanks Charlie Mac!

CM: You welcome Mama.

Willa Ann has places to go...

Willa Ann is a scooter. No matter where she is she will start scooting on her back, backwards, to where ever she can get. Unless it is out of her papasan and then she goes forward. It was retired today even though she can be buckled in and didn't make it all the way out. I figure if she's starting to want to move around, she needs to be where she can get her practice in safely. She is SO on her way though! Ha! 

She love love loves it when any one talks to her, and just grins and talks back. She always has an opinion to share--something she comes by very honestly--just ask my mom. (What... me? Nooooo! Surely you jest. ;-))

 

Bread Machine = lunch hour joy

Charlie Mac you are a funny, funny little fella. Every day you amaze us with your take on the world. Today when I went home for lunch we made bread together (or put the stuff in the bread machine together) and you made that experience an exciting one for me, too. 

"dis is fower?" (helpfully tearing the bag to give us better access to the contents)

"put da scoop in?" (little hands gripping his step ladder handle in excitement)

"Woah, dat's a BIG scoop" (he also gets a scoop, which mostly makes it back into the bag)

"I need to put da seeds in" (his whole hand fits into the jar to get a handful flax seeds go everywhere--some into bowl)

"push da button" (much effort here to restrain himself--unsuccessfully, but that's ok! I hold his finger to the right buttons and he turns the "muhsheen" on)

"It's makin da dough!!!"

"it's going to be gooood!? Da breat?! Yeah!"

"watch in da window--it's makin a dough ball. Watch Mama! Watch!!!!" (standing on tip toe on his step stool to peer into the window on the lid)

I have to admit--that thing is really neat. 

First Bishin Trip

We went on a family trip to Lake Puskus this Saturday morning where Charlie Mac caught his first "bish!" Willa Ann enjoyed the scenery from a blanket on the dock and informed us of her opinion on a regular basis. 

We started the day out digging for worms in our backyard. Bradley would unearth them and Iddle would grab them up and put them in the jar with some dirt. With a stop to pick up some cane poles and driver friendly beers we were on our way! 

Charlie Mac's pole seemed to serve better as a blinding weapon, so after a while we relieved him of his hook and worm. Uncle Wahbit's line felt a tug after a while and he handed it over to Charlie Mac and Bradley helped him get it of the hook and release it. Charlie Mac touched it and pronounced it "messy."

Charlie Mac's version: 

"I caught a bish! With Unca Whabit's pohle! It was fwippin on da dock. Dada put it back in da watah. Swim away!"